The Date From Hell
"When I'm Ready, You'll Be The One"
All names have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty!
Jim (name has been changed) and I met on a dating line, we "clicked" straight away and sent about twenty Emails back and forth, then we graduated to the phone and talked endlessly almost every night - this man was perfect.
We had so much in common, the same sense of humor, we liked and disliked the same stuff; I loved the things he said and what he seemingly was all about.
We live a fair distance from each other but after three months from the first contact, we decided it was time we got together, we realized we liked each so much and we talked about a possible happy future together. It was time to see if there was any 'chemistry'.
I have a sister who lives in his home town and since he has a teenage daughter who he couldn't leave as easily as I could get away we decided it was better for me to go to his town and that I'd stay with my sister while we saw each other for the week.
We'd made loads of plans as to where he was going to take me, what he'd show me what we'd do etc.
He picked me up at the airport - the initial meeting was magic (his words, and my sentiments too) We went to dinner, we had a wonderful time - he was every bit as hot as his pictures, he was attentive and a perfect gentleman without being too creamy and we talked endlessly as if we'd known each other forever.
The end of the evening came and he drove me back to my sister's place where we shared our first kiss then we made arrangements to meet early the next day for a day at the beach.
Sure enough, he showed up and off we went together. Before we arrived at the beach we went for a coffee - he was incredible, he told me that I was everything he wanted in a woman, everything he'd dreamed I'd be from our phone calls and Emails and yet..... he had to break down and confess, he just couldn't "do" this. Huh?
I asked him if he'd lied and if he was perhaps still married, etc., I wondered if he was still emotionally attached to another.
He re-confirmed he'd been divorced for over a year, but he couldn't explain why he couldn't see me for the rest of the week. Strangely enough, we finished our coffee, and yet still went to the beach (huh?) We strolled, and talked and he said he had some "commitment issues."
I accepted that, deciding to take the high-road and not cause a scene, after all - you just can't force a man to like you. He took me home, I thanked him for the day out and he left after apologizing over and over.
Anyway, by this time I was soooo confused; he and I had opened up our hearts to each other - not only in the Emails and phone calls but even at dinner and then at the beach - so what was wrong with this picture? I was beginning to feel so very stupid for having travelled all way to his town to meet.
The next day he called and asked if we could get together - I was floored. I kept my dignity but sarcastically reminded him that he was the reason I'd gone down there and so of course I was free - especially since my sister was working a very heavy double shift duty so she wasn't around too much.
I reminded him of his commitment issues and I turned him down. I told him to get his head in gear and stop messing with with my emotions. I told him he was honest yes, but oh so cruel and I just couldn't allow myself to get hurt any further.
Later that day he sent me a long Email of apology with a excuses galore and a set of "good" reasons why he felt he couldn't allow himself to get too attached to me ...well duh - wasn't this just a wee bit late?....he finished the note by asking if we could just "hang out" for the rest of the week have a load of fun and not get too serious.
For some strange, stupid, unfathomable, idiotic reason - maybe because I was at loose ends without the company of my sister - I actually agreed to "hang-out."
He introduced me to his daughter who we spent a few hours shopping with, (she and I fell in love with each other!) his sister popped around to his house and he introduced me to her as "the next Mrs. Johnson" (!!) and when we dropped his daughter off at her mother's we even "bumped" into his ex-wife and her new husband.
It was all very civilized and I could see there was no animosity but no feeling left for each other - he even introduced me to her as his "very special lady-friend." Made me feel like a prize Bassett-hound.
The next night he took me to a very upscale romantic restaurant....and asked if we could sit at the bar instead of a table (huh?) we did, we ate and we talked and had a fairly good evening, but the type of good evening you can have with your brother or cousin.
After dinner, we went dancing and he danced with just about every girl on the dance floor. I acted nonchalant and even had a few dances with some available men. We laughed a lot, he genuinely I think and me out of some sick sense of pity for him.
At the end of my stay, he drove me to the airport, told me he was madly in love with me and that when he decided he was ready to settle down - I'd be the one (!) Whoo-hoo - you mean I'm the lucky one ? !! He said he just couldn't "do" it right now. "It" presumably meaning have a relationship. I thought, but gracefully didn't actually say, "Well, when you do decide, don't call me."
I felt extremely confused, my heart was breaking, but mostly I was humiliated and a little sad after I'd invested three months on this man and he had won my heart lock,stock, and barrel.
The day I got home, Jim phoned me and asked for forgiveness, called himself a big loser and a total jerk - well at least he saved me from saying it. He asked for some time to think things over, then he asked me if I'd be willing to move down there. (huh?) He said if I was there we could date and it would give him time to warm up to me slowly.
Well, hey, I may be 40, but I'm still a foxy looking lady, got a lot of life left in me still and I'm not desperate enough to go running off to hell's half acre in search of an elusive love from a mixed-up grown man with a teenager's brain... there are plenty of adult home-grown men that I can "hang-out" with if I want to!
That was three months ago - he calls me at least once a week, I usually let it go to voice mail, so he Emails me - sometimes funny, sometimes loving little notes, he tells me what his daughter is up to and how she misses me etc...I delete and don't reply - I am about to block him - so, what's taking me so long? I'll get back to you on that one.
My biggest peeve here is that I was so totally stupid enough to see him again and again over the course of the week after he was so extremely rude and insensitive to tell me on the day after I arrived after travelling a thousand miles to see him...
In my opinion he could have been more mature about it and just had a wonderful week then told me at the end. We'd sort of agreed on that anyway when we first decided to meet - we'd said something like "if it doesn't work out, we'll be honest with each other, I'll get back on the plane and we'll remain good friends."
I honestly thought that once I'd left high-school that all this "boy" crap would be over and I really didn't expect this in my 40's from a man in his early fifties! Sheesh!....Oh well... Next!
Editor: Great point - all this "boy crap" does NOT end in high school!