Welcome To The Date From Hell

"All names have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty!"


But He Offered To Pay For The Cleaning Supplies!!

My worst date was back in my university days. There were many men from all over the world at the U. I met one from India and after we had coffee one afternoon, and he invited me back to his place.

There was a huge filthy mess of dishes in the kitchen, and a mountain of dirty laundry in the bedroom.

"You can start wherever you want," he said, and flicked on the TV.

When I asked what the h--- he meant, he replied that in India, the women do all the cleaning, so I'd better get started. I got started all right - right out the door!



"She Had a Three-Word Vocabulary"

Submitted by: Jonathan

Ok, so I had just been dumped by my long-term girlfriend and was tired of just moping around.

I needed to go out, meet some cool ladies and have some fun! On my way to get coffee one morning I happen to run into a girl from school, who I hadn't seen in a while (let's call her Cindy for the story).

We start chatting it up and I ask her if she wants to get dinner and see a movie this weekend. She agrees and gives me her number.

That Saturday I pick her up and we head downtown to grab some food before the movie starts. First thing that was off was how shy and tense she seemed to be. I was hoping getting her to talk would help loosen the tension of a first date and we could get to know each other a bit better.

Unfortunately she only had a three word vocabulary.

Me: So do you like to read at all?

Cindy: Yea.

(brief moment of silence)

Me: Any books you recommend?

Cindy: No

(more silence)

Me: Well what kind of books do you like? Mystery, romance, Fiction?

Cindy: I dunno

(silence)

I would try to ask open-ended questions or at least talk about stuff she seemed interested in (I was getting tired of yes, no, I dunno), but she never bothered to expand on anything! She never asked me anything either, if I didn't initiate the conversation we would have been walking around in silence the whole time.

I couldn't figure out what the problem was. I wasn't asking anything inappropriate or doing anything to make her uncomfortable,why couldn't she just relax and start enjoying herself? But she was just tense and seemed very uncomfortable. She never was like this any other time we had seen each other.

So we get to the movies and I take a seat towards the middle of the aisle. Cindy doesn't sit next to me but chooses to sit one seat away from me with her purse on the seat between us. I'm in shock, what is this nonsense?

Me: Umm..... what up?

Cindy: I like to have my space when I'm at a movie.

Me: No, this isn't right. If you're over there it's like we're not even seeing this movie together. Are you worried I'm going to try to put my arm around you or something? Look, I'm not going to invade your space or anything but at least sit next to me.

Cindy: No, I'm fine over here.

What the heck kind of date is this? I wanted to leave then but I already purchased the ticket so I figure I'll just watch the movie, sitting next to her purse!

At this point I'm over this whole ordeal and am more curious on how this girl actually manages to have any kind of relationships acting this way. So I ask her how her love life has been lately.

Cindy: Well I just moved in with my boyfriend who I've been seeing for a year.....

WHAT THE HELL? Are you kidding me? Why did she agree to go out to dinner and a movie with me if she has a boyfriend? I assume she thought I wanted to hang out as friends. Which is fine, but she probably could have told me that at any point in the last hour we had been hanging out!

It was obvious I was treating this as a date from the start, if she didn't want it to be a date she needed to let me know from the get go!

After the movie I drive her home in complete silence (I had stopped caring about getting to know each other at this point).

As she is getting out of the car she has the nerve to tell me "We'll have to hang out again soon."

I laugh and tell her flat out "I don't think so" and drive home never to see her again.

Oh yes, this was a date from hell.


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